miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
