fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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