too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
