I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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