Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
