Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
