did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
