My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
