Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
