Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got inside last night via doggy door
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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