Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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