I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How many fucks given?
0.12846
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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