What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Semen is not good for contacts.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize