It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
