I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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