it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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