so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize