There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
