I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Randomize
