This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
