Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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