she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
