do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
