It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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