I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
