He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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