My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
