I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
