I cannot find my penis.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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