I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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