quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
