I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
