I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
