Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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