god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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