Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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