my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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