Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
