so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
