omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
