Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
