I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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