I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
