KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
