Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
