Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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