Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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