her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
