I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
dude. I can hear the air.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
