I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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