I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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