Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize