he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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