I wanna bring you to show and tell
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
