You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
