i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
