Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize