This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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