I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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