Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
