The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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