Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
