Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
