He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I touched a dick in church today
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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