Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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