just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
