Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
