My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What drink are we having for lunch?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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