Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
