he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I still have a little drunk in my system
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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