The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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