I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
