he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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